Music: Lullaby - Shawn Desman

I still remember, during a period in early year ten, I think, my dad wouldn't talk to me for the longest time. Not literally not talk to me, but vibes were rolling off him like ..I don't even know what. It was worse than being mad at me, he was genuinely literally disappointed me.. Like he couldn't even look at me without feeling hurt, and pain, and disappointment and let down..

And I remember complaining to this very blog that I felt like crap every single day I came home, and home was like Hell, and I hated it. School was like a haven to me, cause it meant that I was with my friends and even in class I just generally turned it into a good time nonetheless.

I guess reading Romulous, my Father made me kind of think of my own relations with my dad and how I could draw a few similarities. My father's character is also very strong; he has very determined morals and principles, and that is exactly what defines him - the strength to which he attaches himself to those principles.

All his workmates and employees respect him very much although he's quite short (SO, I'M GENETICALLY SHORT, OKAY. What luck I have that I have to be chubby, too, which adds to the illusion of ballooned-ness). I'm very proud of my daddy, so when he didn't talk to me for a few months, I resented him and I was sad at the same time.

When I came back from tutor tonight I was very tired.. Literally just stomped around, not even stomping, it was more like forcing myself to take the step. Then when I got home I randomly asked my father a question about the thing he disliked most when he went back to China.. "E.g. the pollution? The traffic? etc", and then I guess conversation went off from there.

It's so nice to be laughing and talking to my dad so casually. I think this was also helped by the fact that Wang and us were talking about his relationship with his mother, and how fun and like.. non-stiff??? it was. And it was quite heartwarming to hear it, haha.. I hope he doesn't get mad at me for saying this stuff on my blog! LOL. (Since it's not like, my own story to tell or w/e, which is why I'm not actually going into detail or anything.)

So yeah. I love my dad so so so so so so so so much.. Like, I literally cannot fathom the idea of my parents being dead. I was also watching a video of Bubz last night and she was sorta introing youtube (?! LOL) to her family etc and whatever and she was annoying her bro and stuff and I was sorta thinking how I kinda wished that I had that relationship in my life? I have a bro, I have a sis, but I've seen my bro twice in my life and never seen my sis once yet. But we have plans to bring them to Aus, and I'm very excited for that.. I've heard so many stories about them two and I'm so proud already haha. My dad tells me rather frequently that I'm mostly his biggest 'worry' in his life, doesn't feel too good to hear that LOLOL. I'm the eldest, it should be the other way around. Yeah . . .

I'm still thankful. My mother never fucked fifty million men, neglected to feed me (okay, so she does a little but I wouldn't call it neglect - I'm capable of fixing my own food), she never developed psychosis and didn't overdose on sleeping pills and then choke on her own vomit the way Raimond's mother (author of Romulous, My Father did. I don't know how I'd manage without her, and ESPECIALLY if she died in that fashion.

*shrugs* Haha, yeah, that's just my thoughts at the moment. My other thoughts also go toward tomorrow's Elevate session (I'm literally excited), Avatar (although it's pretty far in the back of my mind, but now I've brought it up, frissions of excitement are winding their way round my body like Katara waterbending 8). I digress) and also excited for ..what else? Oh, right, just thinking bout how I have to take a shower! LOL. So, before I stink up teh w0rldz, imma rolland. It's been nice ..dictating to you! LOL. Much love <3